Uncomfortably Tall Adventures
Rather Lumpy One Shot Teasers
A Halfling man adjusts his backpack while waving goodbye to two small Halfling children. With his wife beside him, the Halfling shows an air of confidence and pride. After all, Stormwatch is not terribly far away, and this new business deal could mean untold prosperity for his local borough…
A proud warrior steps out into the glittering sun. His armor catches the light and shows a reflection of the village behind him. The warrior adjusts his lance and starts out on his latest journey…
A gnome busies himself with some important paperwork while music drifts in from the other room. His eyes widen as he totals the figures and realizes the potential this offers. Honey is scarce outside of the Feywild…
A wizened Eladrin holds his wife close. He can feel the child kicking inside her. With a smile and overflowing warmth, he kisses her goodbye and steps into the portal…
Squeaky lays out on his bed, comatose as always, as Rusty watches over him. Looking at his father, Rusty’s hands naturally start rubbing his own forehead where the horns are just starting to emerge, and he questions silently to himself how he could ever wear a hat again. As Rusty mournfully contemplates his life choices, he is interrupted by the prestigious Leif Blaze.
“Ahhhh, hey there, ah, short guy. How’s it, uh, going?”
Rusty let him ramble. That always seemed the best course in these situations.
“Uhh, what’cha, ahhh, doing there? That’s your, uh, pappy, right? What’s he been doing all this time? Why don’t you, uhh, ask him?”
“I can’t exactly do that right now, Leif.”
“Oh. Well, that’s a shame. What do you, ahh, think he did? Maybe he was on some kind of, ahh, adventure and stuff, with some big reason. Or maybe he just got, ah, captured like a bitch. One of those. Ah, well.”
Leif promptly left, scratching himself, ready to deploy his sparkling wit elsewhere, leaving Rusty with just his thoughts.
As Squeaky stepped into the bar his mind was on one thing: getting a hard drink after a grueling day. He had been preparing for this deal for a long time, and the stress was getting to him. He sat down next to a tall human at the bar and ordered a Double Halfling. Waiting for his drink, Squeaky noticed the man was fully armored, and with a large lance holstered on his back, he was quite the intimidating fellow. An idea began to form in his mind.
“Excuse me, sir, but could I buy you a drink?”
The man looked him over once.
“Sorry, but my lance doesn’t point that way.”
“Oh no, you misunderstand me. I was actually just wondering if you could help me out. I’ve got a business deal in a few hours, and the people I’m dealing with aren’t exactly the cleanest cut. You look like you might be able to hold your own in a fight, should it come to that. Would you be able to handle that?”
“Hold my own? Dealing with your tiny affairs, I wouldn’t even break a sweat.”
“Haha, you seem pretty sure. But it takes more than words to convince me. I’m no stranger to the common bluff. How can I be sure you’re really man enough to handle this?”
A smile crossed the man’s face.
“I’ve got an idea…”
Pattie Bailey quietly sipped his tea as a fight broke out across the bar. Just my luck, he thought. I come to here to quietly read the new edition of Arcane Monthly, and there’s a rambunctious little Halfling making a fool out of himself. So hard to concentrate. Pattie deftly conjured a sound barrier in front of him and continued to read.
Squeaky folds his arms and leans back in his chair.
“You know, I don’t think that’s quite good enough. I came all the way here, and I think I want a deal from which I can walk home with my head held high. And I think my friend here agrees.”
Squeaky gestures to Lance at his right, fully armored and a sight to behold.
“He’s quite a good fighter. And if you’re not careful, you might find yourself saying ‘bye….bye…bye’”
Lance cracks his knuckles menacingly.
“Hahaha, matey! I’m afraid this time, you don’t hold all the cards! Boys!”
Scruffy snaps his fingers and more pirates appear at all the entrances.
“You know what? I still like my odds.” Squeaky says, his hand reaching towards his belt.
“Oh yeah? Well how about now? Bring her out!”
A handful of of pirates burst through the door holding a small Halfling woman, bound, and with eyes wide with fear.
“Now, hahaha, what were you saying?”
Squeaky and Lance limped away from the warehouse, their bodies hurt, but not nearly as much as their spirits.
“It looks like I might need you for a bit longer than I thought. Let’s regroup. We might need some more muscle.”