Uncomfortably Tall Adventures

No Guts, No Glory
The UTA meets a certain Mr. Tubes

When we last left our heroes, they were gazing in bewilderment at the altar in the hidden chamber at the center of Kazak’Tul. An orb of inky darkness hovered above this altar with an ominous black rod floating within it. After a moment, Orsik broke the silence by stepping up to the altar and reaching for the rod. To his horror, as he grasped one end of it, a massive fist appeared at the other end. This fist was followed by an arm, and then a torso, as the towering form of a Death Giant emerged from the orb!

In the Eye of the Beholder
The Journey to Kazak'Tul

Though he was not yet prepared to discuss the business of the Midnight’s Own with the UTA, Ypaugh did agree to show them the way to Kazak’Tul. Early the next morning, our heroes left Gloomwrought and braved the wilderness of the Skins, bound for Kazak’Tul. Not long into their journey, they came to the base of a low ridge, and Ypaugh explained that they should proceed up the hillside with caution. When they reached the top, they found the shriveled, blackened remains of a man nailed to a cross. Ypaugh explained that this wretched creature was the Dead Man, who had once been the high priest of Nerull. Nerull, as Orsik remembered, had been the god of death before the Raven Queen. Ages ago, she had slain him and taken his domain as her own. Afterward, Ypaugh explained, she had punished the old god’s foremost disciples, including this man. Ypaugh had brought them to this place because the Dead Man was known to help travelers to find hidden locations. Lief summoned the courage to speak first, asking him where they could find Manfred Frost. The ruins of the Dead Man’s body shuddered, and as he craned his ancient neck, he seemed to gaze far into the distance though his eyes were stitched shut. A single skeletal finger extended northeast, toward Kazak’Tul. Finn next asked where they might find Kalarel’s army. The Dead Man’s head slowly turned, and pointed this time due west. Our heroes filed that information away for another day, and set off for Kazak’Tul. As they left that place, Orsik solemnly considered his own fate should he fail in his quest to save his Queen. Surely Vorkhesis would not be more merciful to his enemies than his Mistress had been to hers. Orsik stole one last glance at the Dead Man as the hilltop vanished in the distance. He would not fail.

The Midnight's Own, and the Boon of the Feywild
The UTA loses some friends and gains some others

Dedrek Harskel pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and closed his eyes, as much from weariness as from irritation. It was the second time in as many days that this skinny eladrin and his retinue had barged into his home with unwelcome news. Yesterday, he had presented one of Dedrek’s most trusted servants to him in chains and blithely announced that he had interrupted a delicate and clandestine business negotiation. Now he had once again arrived, unannounced, demanding to to see the master of House Harskel. The boy was barely old enough to grow the scraggly goatee that wreathed his mouth (a mouth that seemed to Dedrek to exist only to say things that made him cringe), and yet he demanded an audience with the lord of House Harskel as if he were Prince Rolan himself. Dedrek heaved a great sigh and nodded to the goliath stationed at the door. “Send him in.”

Lich, Please
Or, "The Day the UTA Got a Lot of Bad News"

Our heroes learned two things from their conversation with Dedrek Harskel. The first was that Faris had been telling the truth; Harskel had indeed instructed him to deliver the black vial to the Keepers. The second was that they had been unwittingly drawn into a conspiracy by House Harskel to monopolize the water supply of Gloomwrought. Harskel had arranged to deliver this mysterious vial to the Keepers in exchange for their promise to sabotage the few wells in the city that yielded potable water. Harskel, sitting on a veritable oasis of the wet stuff delivered from House Bailey, would stand to make a fortune selling it in this manufactured drought. Though horrified (OK, maybe just Vanguard was horrified) at the part they had played in this plot to exploit the people of Gloomwrought, the UTA chose not to confront Harskel about this issue just yet. First, they set off to track down the heretic Nira had spoken of, and to return with a clear plan about how to rectify the water situation.

The Shadowfell Awaits!
The UTA kicks off a long anticipated third season

After months of preparation, House Bailey’s finest magimeticians have finally completed the portal, and Grimmjow has gathered the UTA Dream Team together once again. That’s right boys and girls, it’s time to go to the Shadowfell!

We meet our adventurers in Fallcrest as they prepare to take this portal on its maiden voyage. Their goal was to deliver a mysterious package to Dedrek Harskel, head of business operations for House Harskel, a trading company located in Gloomwrought. While Leif Blaze stayed behind to do whatever it is he does with Splug, Vanguard, Orsik, Rusty, and Finn forged ahead into the unknown. To their dismay, they arrived not in Gloomwrought, their expected destination, but in the middle of a desolate swamp. Though their hearts quickly filled with the gloom characteristic of the Shadowfell, our intrepid heroes pressed on in search of the City of Midnight. Vanguard’s keen eyes spied a path, and soon the adventurers found themselves on a boardwalk above deeper water. On a nearby sandbar, they spotted a sobbing young girl, who claimed to have been set upon by monsters. The UTA rushed to her aid, but they were fooled! The girl was not a child at all, but a vicious bog hag who had singled out our favorite crew of adventurers as a potential meal. While her ferocious Otyugh pets smashed the boardwalk and tried to devour Vanguard and Orsik, Rusty tangled with the hag. Finn played with his shadow.

Arabian Nights: The League of Shadows
Time races our Heroes to the citadel of Agrabah. And a few familiar faces dream dreams of power...

Arabian Nights: The League of Shadows.


“Two years of wandering the baneful, trackless wastes of Al Qhadim have worn us quite thin, I’m afraid, and unaccustomed to the cool splash of liquid down our throats, my friend.” The dry human woman cracked dry lips to crack an even drier smile—the sort of smile that, even on the hottest of days, sent the coldest of chills up and down Stacee Downfeather’s spine.

Instead of responding, and intent on hiding both the rather pleasant mortal terror and rather unpleasant arousal that usually accompanied conversations with his female companion, Stacee “The Line” Downfeather turned and signaled the serving A.C. for a drink. Once he retrieved his beverage, and one more, and was sufficiently fortified by its smoky embrace, The Line managed to sloppily rasp out, “The new A.C.’s are sure lookin’ spiffy.” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the mechanical serving robot that had just resupplied his fortitude.

The woman looked up at him from under her hood. “It’ll never take. Animate Constructs can’t replace flesh and blood. Not fully. Besides, I must say I prefer the latter…” A faint hunger crept into her voice as she lovingly caressed the dagger strapped to her hip.

Stacee Downfeather took another sip. “Still, someone in Agrabah is making a killing.”

Jasmine looked up from the drink in her hands and smiled. “Not yet…”

Stacee felt a very real tremor of fear sweep through the tavern like the icy zephyrs that blasted through Arabian Nights. “A.C., I’ll have another.”

Finn & Friends in the Feywild
A coming of age story of epic proportions

Until further notice, following approval by our DM, this post, its content, and all of the fantastic prizes/experience that were won are considered non-canonical and cannot be used whatsoever in the main UTA campaign. Backdoor Steve filled in for Keith while Lumpy filled in as our fifth member. This session was DM’d by everyone’s favorite halfling, Old Rust.

After a long night of hammering and festing, most of our heroes (sans Rusty, Splug, Lief Blaze and Lo-Kag the heavyweight keg stand champion of Hammerfest) the turned in for the night at the nearby Hammerfast inn, only to find themselves abruptly interrupted by two familiar faces. While the UTA slept soundly with visions of axes and gold coins dancing in their heads, Nimozaran the Green and Slater Grimmjow burst through the threshold of the room early in the morning…very early in the morning. “Get out of bed you spineless duergar!” cried Grimmjow loudly as he exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. Finn rolled over in bed, accustomed to the recognizable greeting.

Dungeons & Dragons & Demons & Wagons
The UTA brings its second season to a hearty finish

[Dear me, a post I forget to flesh out and make not GM-only. Apologies! Well, here are my notes from post-session]

Battle with dragon in Proving Grounds (Rusty, Vanguard highlights)
Azuzu’s visit (Rusty’s bargain, Vanguard’s potion)
Scarmaker (Rusty’s attack, ritual disrupted, Rusty’s dad)

Travel to Winterhaven by way of Paldemar/Nimozaran

Vignettes (to be published periodically, beginning with Vanguard as part of this post)
Vanguard: wagon chase, Bornfist’s sponsor in Fallcrest
Leif: temple tells of Avandra’s civil war in astral sea
Finn: Grimmjow will begin constructing arch to Shadowfell, unsettling business maneuvers
Rusty: father incurable, horns and eyes, Azuzu’s visit
Orsik: meeting with Warden, the next rune (4 months is a long time), the Shadowfell

The Well of Demons
Featuring that other kind of dwarven hops

Leif Blaze had to sit this one out, so we are pleased to welcome Lumpy for the second time this season! Some mysterious requirement must have been satisfied, because this time Lumpy represented his very own character, the newest member of the UTA: Terroc Stormbourne!

The UTA, minus Leif Blaze, pressed deeper in to the Well of Demons, and oh boy did things get demonic fast. As they delved through the dungeon they were treated to periodic glimpses of the Abyss: the ground cracked, the walls warped, and the air itself was choked with a fiendish flame. Deep in the pillared halls of the Well ghosts of ancient minotaurs moaned in anguish. Despite Vanguard’s whispered pleas, Finn engaged in a bargain with a mysterious demonic emissary from the court of Demogorgon. He learned of some of the obstacles ahead, including Rusty’s father’s impending doom! Soon, however, Finn felt a strange presence assail his mental defenses – he could only guess at what had transpired as the UTA passed onward.

The Tower of Mysteries!
Beating up old men and dogs alike

This week’s log provided by our own Finn Bailey, although I was forced to edit it viciously on account of rampant sassiness. Cheers!

New Towers! Norkers! New Yorkers! The Uncomfortably Tall Adventurers find themselves finding wizards! Wizards named Paldemar! He’s in a tower you guys…. At ye’ olde bottom of Paldemar’s tower the only entrance, a scintillating circle of teleportation, finds itself finding a guardian who finds the secrets of prospective wizard-finders. WHAT A COINCIDENCE! The UTA are wizard-finders. And so now they have to divulge their deepest, dankiest secrets to a creepy, one-eyed aspect of Vecna, the creepy, one-eyed god of secrets:

  • Vanguard would mercilessly slaughter Jack Bornfist, who may or may not have looted his sister’s dungeon.
  • Orsik told Vecna absolutely everything there is to know about his character, and then retconned it by saying he was a woman.
  • Leif Blaze… well, he likes to fight things you guys.
  • Rusty is in jail right now because he picked a fight with Brugg, and let me tell you, Brugg hates picking. That’s not really a secret though, he’s just in jail.
  • Fin was beaten as a child (no surprise there – ed.).

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